Ryan

I never imagined that I, a happy and healthy child, could ever be affected by illness and depression. My story began a few months after the COVID-19 pandemic struck the world. I was diagnosed with a benign brain tumor, a choroid-plexus papilloma to be exact. At the time, I feared the worst, believing it was cancerous and that my life was over. Thankfully, after life-saving surgery performed by Dr. Steven Brem at the University of Pennsylvania Hospital in Philadelphia, I received the news that the tumor was benign and that I would be okay.”

Reflecting on this moment, I find it interesting how being diagnosed with a brain tumor and going through a few weeks of recovery to learn how to function by myself was the EASY part of my hydrocephalus journey. My time in recovery soon ended, but a new chapter began abruptly as I had to confront the challenges of managing hydrocephalus.

In October 2021, I was a college student at San Diego State University, recovering from surgery at home and eagerly awaiting my return to campus. However, the COVID-19 pandemic had impacted many on campus, making it unsafe for me to return yet. Despite the boredom of recovery at home, I was excited to get back to my fraternity house and resume my college experience once it was safe. Little did I know, this return to the fraternity house would change my life forever.

Back at school and living in a fraternity, it wasn’t long before I found myself in some typical college shenanigans. However, one night, things took a turn for the worse. It didn’t take long before I ended up in the emergency room due to poor decisions and alcohol. I had hit my head on my dorm wall and needed to be assessed. Initially, I didn’t think much of it and went about my life as usual. However, over the next few days, I gradually began to feel ill, but I thought I was simply coming down with a cold. Little did I know, these symptoms were actually signs of hydrocephalus.

About a week after hitting my head, my friends Nick and Drew found me in my room with little to no cognitive function. They took me to the emergency room at Scripps Cottage in Hillcrest where I underwent emergency surgery to implant a ventriculoperitoneal (VP) shunt to treat hydrocephalus. I can honestly say that I would NOT BE HERE today if it weren’t for Nick and Drew taking me to the hospital. I know that they don’t think much of what they did, and don’t consider themselves heroes, but in my eyes, they clearly are. Without their help, I wouldn’t have made it. To Nick and Drew, thank you.

After the VP shunt surgery, my body was incredibly weak. Looking back, people say that my original tumor removal surgery was more dangerous than the emergency surgery I had to insert the VP shunt, but I couldn’t disagree more. I had a very difficult recovery from the VP shunt surgery. I had to deal with physical issues like gastrointestinal problems and permanent double vision in my left eye, as well as the emotional recovery from having my head shaved. I felt like a freak, and my hydrocephalus journey was filled with sadness, heartbreak, and loss. But, for better or for worse, hydrocephalus has made me into the man I am today.

Do I wish that I was never diagnosed with a brain tumor and hydrocephalus? Absolutely. But, despite the challenges, many good things have come into my life since my diagnosis, which I wouldn’t give up for the world. I have found incredibly supportive relationships, like with my girlfriend, Kate, who is the love of my life and one of the most supportive people I know. My relationship with my mom has grown immensely and can’t thank her enough for taking care of me and supporting me during my recovery. And I am currently living my dream of working in development in America’s film capital, Hollywood, CA.

Despite the challenges I have faced and continue to face with my mental health, I’ve discovered that I can still pursue my dreams and live a fulfilling life. I hope that sharing my experience with hydrocephalus can inspire those reading this to never give up on their dreams.  It just takes a little bit of courage.

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